Fuck you wellington rd and stud road lights. If you give me a fine for going through 2microseconds after you turned YELLOW, not red, I will crack the shits, cry, then get my dad to take the points.

5 months ago  /  Notes

The sheer anger and disgust that fills me everytime I see you is like acid eating away at my life. If I don’t get away soon it will eventually kill me, not in a literal sense, just in a way that destroys any chance of me ever being truly happy.

6 months ago  /  Notes

The next eight months…

It was just a few weeks ago, at a maroon 5 concert, that I found myself saying to a friend “I’m so disappointed. I have nothing to look forward to after this.” I’m so amazed how things change, I cannot even remember when I last felt even half this good. Don’t get me wrong, my life’s not perfect, but for once I feel like it could be. Sometime in the near future at least. At the same time I’m tying desperately, and somewhat in vain, not to get my hopes up too. Because subconsciously I know that inevitably it wont be as good as Ive imagined and therefore Ill be disappointed, but I think I need to reserve some optimism or ill drive myself insane. So this is whats coming up for me (hopefully). 

Around the corner:

In 2 days and 16 hours I’ll officially be finished semester one of my third year of university and be on holiday for a month.

in 4 days I’ll be blissfully shopping with my best friend before she staarts full time work for the first time. We will both be on the hunt for business attire (more about that later).

In 7 days I’ll be hopefully having an awesome time with some new friends celebrating Tess’s 21st birthday.

In 12 days I’ll be looking at a 5 day weekend with no school OR work.

In 14 days I’ll be celebrating my own 21st birthday in the city with some great friends.

In 15 days I’ll be celebrating my 21st birthday with 50 of my closest family and family adjacent people.

In 16 days I’ll actually be 21.

In the not too distant future

September is the new one and the one I regard with having the most potential for this year. I didn’t know what i wanted for my 21st and, to be honest couldn’t really care less about gifts, but my parents took the cake on this one (like the pun?). they are paying for me to fly to Thailand and spend 9 days in absolutely gorgeous resorts and do nothing but relax and enjoy myself. I’m pretty sure it’s the most amazing thing anyone has ever given me. 9 days in an exotic country doing nothing but sip mojito’s and lounge in the pool. I have to say, with all that we’ve been through, my mum came through on this one.

The trip does have a few kinks in it. For one, 4 of my uncles and aunts will be with us, my parents will be there and my brother and his wife, but I’m hoping to pretty much stick by myself for the most part. Not that I don’t wanna be with them, but they all tend to make holidays feel a little less like a holiday, if you know what i mean. I do hope to bond a little with my mum and the others, but like i said, trying not to set my expectations too high.

After those, what i hope to be, amazing 9 days, it’ll be back to uni for a month and then off to Queensland for 4 or 5 days in October. My cousin is getting married which, of course, I’m happy about, but I’m more looking forward to theme parks with a few of my cousins. If you knew them, you would be able to imagine how HILARIOUS I expect it to be. Plus it’s been almost 9 years since I’ve been to Queensland and my love for roller coasters and pretty much all things that go fast, cannot be satisfied by Melbourne’s shitty little Luna Park, no matter how many times you go on ‘Scenic Railway’.

After Queensland I will return to sit, what is hopefully, the last 4 exams of my life. I can already feel the joy of being finished with school forever. It’s been 16 years of filling my brain with loads of information and its pretty much almost full now and I need it to stop. Ofcourse once it does stop, you know its time to get a full time job which leads me to the final, yet most profound item on the list of what is the next few months of my life, my new job.

Not too long ago I began applying for graduate jobs in the commerce field. I only went for the ones that seemed ‘right’ for me. That is, I chose them purely on what I thought would make me happy in my career. I didnt want to be chasing after jobs that I knew I’d be miserable in. I dont know why anyone ever does that. I’ve done the unhappy in my job thing and let me tell you, its like a cancer. It’ll make you unhappy in every other area of your life. It’ll infect everything and its just not worth it.

So I applied for these graduate jobs and the pessimist I am, didnt really expect much to come of it. But sure enough I kept progressing through the gruelling application process that is graduate jobs and finally, I was offered a position at QBE Insurance. Though obviously a insurance company, I hope to end up in a finance/underwriting division working with high end companies to help assess risk and provide coverage. I could also transfer into the aviation field which would be amazing. The best part of the job is that I start with a few other grads. So I wont be alone, wont be the only newbie and best of all, I wont have to manage shitty little 17year old kids and slave over fryers all day. February next year, that final shift I work at red rooster will be one hell of an awesome day. It’s been 5 years coming (not that im not grateful), but i know im worth more than that, money-wise and respect-wise.

So that is all i have to look forward to, and boy does it feel good.

7 months ago  /  Notes

silence

for all the times ive been there for ALL OF YOU.  i really am dissappointed in the absolute silence ive heard from you all in the last week. especially knowing what i had to go through.  i honestly feel like ive done something to hurt you. god knows what it is but if youre not even giving me a chance to defend myself then youre not who i thought you were, and i guess im right back where i was 2 years ago. im not sure if i can do that again.

i guess ill have to endure this pain of not knowing until you finally decide to speak to me again…

12 months ago  /  Notes

Litesalt

So litesalt is my brother, Troy’s, band and right now I’m at the revolver supporting yet another one of their gigs. Ive been to probably about 20 of their gigs but everytime, no one else in our family comes. Like, I know you may not like this kind of music but tonight i saw another bands entire family, including 50year old parents come out and support their kid. AND they played screamo music. Atleast troys band are talented, respectful and somewhat tame. So anyways I keep on coming out and supporting them because a) he’s my brother b) I love him c) they’re great guys d) it’s the music business and they need all the support they can get and e) someone has to go. If they’re gonna put in the work and effort and pursue they’re music, the least someone could do is show some support. Its not that hard, expensive or time consuming and quite frankly, I wouldn’t mind some company sometimes. This family is too wrapped up in themselves it ridiculous. Your fooling yourself if you think we ARENT dysfunctional. Take some interest in your children. We aren’t five years old anymore and don’t depend on you. Put in some fucking effort cause I’m sick and tired of this bullshit. If things don’t change, one day youre gonna wake up and I’ll be gone and, in all honesty and provided I have the money to sustain it, there won’t ever be a reason for me to come back.

1 year ago  /  Notes

So last night was my cousins 21st birthday. just another standard function, with the standard bunch of people, only this was different for me. this was a reminder of what i dont have and maybe never will. 2 best friends who have been there through EVERYTHING with me, a whole bunch of other friends that know the ins and outs of the last 5 years of my life, a loving family who supported every choice and decision ive made and a room full of people who know and love me for who i am and want to be. just in general blend of people who love who i am.

there’s a very big difference to loving someone you really, truly, have taken the time to get to know, and loving someone who has a portion of your blood and dna coursing through their veins. the later definition i have no interest in.

all i want to do is start over. pack up and leave it all behind. fresh place with no one who knew or thinks they knew me. cause once your defined in someone elses mind, no matter the proof the contrary, youll always be who they think you are. and thats no way to live a life - always as the person you were before. people change. deal with it

1 year ago  /  Notes

twitter added back to my blog

Just in case anyone cared (or reads this for that matter) - which I doubt

1 year ago  /  Notes